Breathe Easy

Breathe Easy

September 21, 2013.  Today is National Gratitude Day.  When I realized this, I dug out my old gratitude journals and fondly relived what I sometimes refer to as the happiest times of my life.  It was the late 1990's and early 2000's.  I had quit my full-time job outside the home to be a full-time mom to my two young girls.  Elizabeth and Abigail were funny and precocious, creative and enthusiastic.  I was relishing the freedom and fun of being their mom.  I breathed sighs of relief every day that I didn't have to go to the workplace and I didn't have to answer to anyone but these two.  It was a simple time of playgrounds, parks, and beaches, picnics in the backyard, playing dress-up and pretend, making crafts, and reading lots and lots of books together.  My older one had school, but it was still so exciting, with no real homework and no real problems.  Extracurriculars were easy and thoughtfully chosen.  My little one was really still a baby, but she looked up to her big sister and did a great job keeping up.  They adored each other.

When Abigail, my younger one, was around 2 1/2 years old, she was diagnosed with asthma.  It's a common issue in children, but it briefly shook up our happy little world.  From around the time she weaned at 13 months, she would get occasional colds just like most kids, but she just didn't seem to shake them quickly or easily.  Her coughs would hang on too long and I would hear that rattling in her lungs too often.  I do remember a family visit we made before she turned 2 and my brother said something about it sounding like she had asthma. I brushed it off then.  That winter, she had a very lingering cough after a cold and then it suddenly took a turn for the worse.  She was sleeping but breathing very rapidly and shallowly, her cheeks were flushed, and she was warm.  I panicked.  So far as a mom, I had been lucky enough to have dealt with nothing more a few ear infections.

Six year old Elizabeth picked up on my fear.  She had recently attended a service in her religious education class in which each child received a small bottle of holy water.  Her first reaction was to run right to it and sprinkle it all over her sister.  She was so protective and so worried; that act of love is always remembered with a bit of a chuckle, but the desperation at the moment was very real.

I called the doctor and was afraid of what I was sure the advice would be.  It was a Sunday morning during a snowstorm.  I was certain I would be told to take my little one, who had a deathly fear of doctors and all things medical, to the emergency room.  I knew that bringing her there would only make her breathing more labored as she would surely be full of anxiety.  But the doctor told me he would meet us at the office nearby.  I was so relieved to see him in the parking lot on that snowy day that when I remember the image, I still let out a big breath.

It was a tough visit of testing and fear and learning to use a nebulizer on a strong-willed,  terrified little one.  But I rocked her and sang and listened to instructions and was just so grateful to have someone helping us.  The doctor shared kind words about my patience.  These made me feel stronger and more empowered as a mom, and I still treasure them to this day.

Abigail is 16 now and still deals with her asthma.  She has had episodes throughout her childhood, but nothing as scary as the time of her diagnosis.  We are actually looking into a seeing a pulmonologist soon because her medicines are no longer providing complete relief, but she controls her condition well and we keep up with it.

When I remember that first real health crisis I experienced as a mom, at the forefront of the story is the love of an older sister and the helpfulness of a professional.  I would experience that combination of family and friend support, along with the assistance of caring experts, many more times as a mother.  After those halcyon days when my first two were young, we adopted a son.  So many friends and family members rallied around and supported that adjustment, and so many officials helped to smooth our way as well.  And then when I had my later-in-life surprise pregnancy, again I experienced not only affection from those near and dear to us, but also medical personnel who went above and beyond to make sure we were okay.  Knowing this beautiful combination of love and help is available when I need it truly helps me breathe easy.