So I found myself last night at the parent meeting of my almost-3-year-old's preschool feeling very old. I was probably the oldest mom there by about 6 or 7 years. Of course, this makes perfect sense since I had Claire when I was 43 years old. I looked at the other moms and saw them like I see my nieces, young and excited about their relatively new roles as moms, just entering the world of parenting school-aged children. The parents sitting behind me were engaged in a conversation with another even younger couple, lecturing them on how much more complicated life gets when you have a third child and sharing all their parenting wisdom...after all, they were almost 40 and had a child in kindergarten already. I think I would've given them all a heart attack if I turned around and told them my oldest was in her second year of college. It seemed like everyone had friends to talk to and knew each other's kids; I sat quietly by myself feeling quite out of place.
And then I started remembering when I went to these types of meetings when Elizabeth first started preschool. Everything *was* so exciting. And here in New York, people do tend to start their families a little later than average, so at 28 years old, I was definitely one of the youngest parents in attendance. I felt a bit out of place then, too.
I suppose I was mostly among similarly-aged peers at school functions for Abigail and Viktor. It was easier to speak to and relate with the other parents, and our family dynamics didn't stand out as unusual. But was I so much in a different place then as I have been as mom to my oldest and youngest?
Yes, my experience level was very low when Elizabeth started preschool and it is very high now as Claire is starting, and yes, that does mean something. But does it really define me? Was I "young mom" back then and am I "old mom" now? I actually surprise myself sometimes by how much I am going through the exact same emotions and thought processes. I forgot how potty-training can be until I recently got back in the thick of it, and now it's all coming back to me...including the lyrics of "It's Potty Time". I am still always trying to learn the strengths, weaknesses, and idiosyncrasies of my unique child and researching the heck out of whatever conclusions have been drawn. Now I can mostly do it online instead of buying all the parenting books out there, but still. I continue to get enthusiastic about milestones and inspired by my children and their growth.
I am still myself, Julie the mom. I'm not so different this time around from how I was when my college student was a preschooler. I know more, I've experienced more, but I'm still me. I need to try to forge some relationships with these other, younger moms. They should not be defined by age and experience levels any more than I should be, and we are going to be going through these years with our little ones together.
