how they came to me

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how differently each of my four children made me their mother.  My experiences really ran the gamut.  My first, Elizabeth, was born 2 1/2 weeks late after a full day of labor induction.  Abigail, my second, was born shortly after her due date in a completely natural birth, about 15 minutes after I arrived at the hospital.  My son, Viktor, was adopted at the age of 3 from a Russian orphanage.  My "pregnancy" there was about 6 months of paperwork and traveling, followed by a surreal meeting and bonding with a child who was, at that time, a complete stranger.  Baby Claire arrived after a heavily monitored high-risk pregnancy by an emergency c-section which followed a failed induction.

Mom & Elizabeth--January 1993

Abigail's Birth Day--June 1997

Sometimes I wonder if the way they entered my life had any significant impact on how I saw and possibly still see them, if it maybe even affected their personalities.  Was Elizabeth's long-awaited birth a harbinger of many more years of her wanting to hang back with Mom?  Did Abigail's textbook ideal birth make me take for granted that she would be an easy child to raise?  Would I look for issues with Viktor simply because his difficult history made them seem a foregone conclusion?  Do I treasure Claire in a way that every baby should be treasured because her existence itself just seems like such a gift and miracle?

Getting to know Viktor in Russia--October 2003

I am glad for the varied paths my kids took to me not only because I have that much more experience to draw on and hopefully that much more connection to other people and their histories, but also because I am led to ask further questions.  What other outside circumstances, apart from who my children are genetically wired to be, have had significant effects on their lives?  What if Elizabeth had me as a full-time stay-at-home mom from the beginning?  Would her adjustments in life have gone more smoothly or less so?  What if Abigail had been first instead of second?  Would she have defined her role in the family in a completely different way?  What if Viktor had a healthy, secure start in life?  Outsiders who don't know his background are generally surprised when they find out; is he the resilient kid he is in spite of what he's been through or because of it?  What if Claire had been born to much younger and more energetic parents?  Would they have been able to handle and channel her spirited nature better?

Meeting Claire face-to-face--September 2009

The questions have no answers, but they are good questions.  They prompt me to look at what I can (and can't) do better, how I can be more understanding and compassionate.  My calling is to be mother to these four souls, my greatest teachers in life.  And the greatest teachers always make one ask questions.